Valentines Day. Couldn’t care less. The pursuit of solitude has totally captured my mind. Today was our day off. The entire group went out to do a hike. My body was achy and sore, likely because of the hill workout Will and I did yesterday. I am finally beginning to feel strength in my legs and cardiovascular system and if I continue to put my mind to it, I’m sure that a few PR’s will be waiting for me when I return the states. Will is an amazing runner and a really great person. Everyone is here. As I put it, not only is the food organic, the people are too. I have seen changes in myself since the start of the trip and I’ve only known these kids for 10 days. Okay, back to the point. So I finally got to sleep in this morning and it felt amazing. I woke up, didn’t do much and then finished my warthog field observation, which I am really satisfied with. I decided to study their diets and how that plays a role into their body size. Boring to many, interesting to some. I loved the alone time. Maybe my introvert self is blossoming. At 2:45 p.m Moses took a few of us to meet the rest of the group at Happy Days, which is the only bar where we can drink and won’t get looked down upon. The community here is very catholic and sober. I had a meal and got a nice little buzz. It felt great, but realized that I didn’t miss the substances all that much. My body is really enjoying a detox period and so is my mind. I feel healthier, more aware and a more genetically fit human. My mind is constantly finding new frontiers to ponder. I decided today that I would make a conscious effort to remember my dreams.
The first of my dreams consisted of everyone doing well on a test except for me. I received a 45% while the second lowest score was a 74%. I went and tried to understand my feelings behind this, but couldn’t (this is in my dream). I went to my teacher, but he told me that the past was in the past and that I had to let go. For those who truly know me, they know I do fairly well in school, so I’m pretty sure the stressors of my dream were not related in any way to the percentage, but rather to the second part of letting go. Throughout my entire life, there are things that I never seem to shake off. For example, there is a deep part of me that will be upset towards my parents for not letting me play hockey as a child. Being raised in Minnesota, I feel as though it is a cultural thing and almost a necessity, but still, 15 years later, there is still resentment. I resent the fact that I took life too seriously in high school and I even resent the fact that I become too obsessed with money when I am in DC. Hakuna Matata, in Swahili, it means let go/relax. This is one of the goals for the trip and for the near future. I need to make peace with my past, I will never have it again. There is no way of reversing atom rotation so that the events of the past unfold themselves as the future. It won’t happen and I need to get over it. Let go. Live in the present and the future, take the past as a lesson and move on. If you spend to much time looking at what could have been, you will never know what will be. This is constantly a struggle for people in general. This is a life lesson that will only enhance one’s life once learned, not detract from it.
The novelty, as Christina put it, of our trip is beginning to wear off. I am starting to feel a routine and the fact that I am far from home and here is starting to settle in. Last night, I lay by the fire listening to a bunch of people discuss some of the different laws between Kenya and Tanzania. When everyone left, Arthur, our cook, and I began comparing and contrasting our lives and the conversation was nothing short of memorable. In the states, I constantly feel that people are only satisfied with what they don’t have. They constantly buy People magazine, go on various celebrity web sites and put a false image on themselves in order to envision and strive for a life they do not currently have, and for that matter may never have. People in Africa are quite the contrary, they are happy with what they have, they accept their surroundings and make the best of the situations. The grass may be greener on the other side, but they don’t think like that. They accept. They are happy. If in thirty years, I forget all the schooling from Africa and there is one thing that is close to my heart, it is this: Accept what I have, stop worrying about what others have, it’s not yours and accepting that will lead to great happiness. Arthur really appreciated that even though we all come from a land of so much, we are all in search of a greater truth with our lives. We all acknowledge the fact that life may not always be as glamorous as Hollywood may make it out to be, but the pursuit of happiness has no boundaries.
I sit here, at 8:31, listening to the rain hit the roof, it is peaceful. My room is only lit with an LED flashlight and I have my favorite playlist in the background. When I mute my computer, Mikayla is playing her ukulele. It is wonderful here. She has an amazing voice and as I sit back, smell the fresh air and exhale, I realize that even here in this remote place in the world, the grass is very very green.
The first of my dreams consisted of everyone doing well on a test except for me. I received a 45% while the second lowest score was a 74%. I went and tried to understand my feelings behind this, but couldn’t (this is in my dream). I went to my teacher, but he told me that the past was in the past and that I had to let go. For those who truly know me, they know I do fairly well in school, so I’m pretty sure the stressors of my dream were not related in any way to the percentage, but rather to the second part of letting go. Throughout my entire life, there are things that I never seem to shake off. For example, there is a deep part of me that will be upset towards my parents for not letting me play hockey as a child. Being raised in Minnesota, I feel as though it is a cultural thing and almost a necessity, but still, 15 years later, there is still resentment. I resent the fact that I took life too seriously in high school and I even resent the fact that I become too obsessed with money when I am in DC. Hakuna Matata, in Swahili, it means let go/relax. This is one of the goals for the trip and for the near future. I need to make peace with my past, I will never have it again. There is no way of reversing atom rotation so that the events of the past unfold themselves as the future. It won’t happen and I need to get over it. Let go. Live in the present and the future, take the past as a lesson and move on. If you spend to much time looking at what could have been, you will never know what will be. This is constantly a struggle for people in general. This is a life lesson that will only enhance one’s life once learned, not detract from it.
The novelty, as Christina put it, of our trip is beginning to wear off. I am starting to feel a routine and the fact that I am far from home and here is starting to settle in. Last night, I lay by the fire listening to a bunch of people discuss some of the different laws between Kenya and Tanzania. When everyone left, Arthur, our cook, and I began comparing and contrasting our lives and the conversation was nothing short of memorable. In the states, I constantly feel that people are only satisfied with what they don’t have. They constantly buy People magazine, go on various celebrity web sites and put a false image on themselves in order to envision and strive for a life they do not currently have, and for that matter may never have. People in Africa are quite the contrary, they are happy with what they have, they accept their surroundings and make the best of the situations. The grass may be greener on the other side, but they don’t think like that. They accept. They are happy. If in thirty years, I forget all the schooling from Africa and there is one thing that is close to my heart, it is this: Accept what I have, stop worrying about what others have, it’s not yours and accepting that will lead to great happiness. Arthur really appreciated that even though we all come from a land of so much, we are all in search of a greater truth with our lives. We all acknowledge the fact that life may not always be as glamorous as Hollywood may make it out to be, but the pursuit of happiness has no boundaries.
I sit here, at 8:31, listening to the rain hit the roof, it is peaceful. My room is only lit with an LED flashlight and I have my favorite playlist in the background. When I mute my computer, Mikayla is playing her ukulele. It is wonderful here. She has an amazing voice and as I sit back, smell the fresh air and exhale, I realize that even here in this remote place in the world, the grass is very very green.
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